i shall be a nice person,
i shall be kind and understanding,
i shall save the previous post as a draft.
i know that i shouldnt swear all the time, but,
i'm used to it (:

i shouldnt be mad over such trivial matters.
yes, bad for my health too.


thanks to people whom i dont know..
like,
jessica, anon. and anonymous.
i've heard jessie spoke of jessica.
but i cant remember.
heh..

i shant be bothered by this types of things.

i've said before, and i shall say it once again,

i shall put this problems aside,
concentrate on my MYE.


good luck people! :D

apparently, some people dont really like what i've blogged.
as i've said a thousand million times,

BLOGS ARE PERSONAL DIARIES,
WHATEVER OWNERS FELT OR THEY HAVE THEIR PERSONAL VIEWS ON STUFFS,
DONT BOTHER TELLING THEM OFF.
IT WILL JUST MAKE MATTERS WORSE.

i shall make it clear now.


yes, although i dont know that particular girl, but, its just little little details that i've found out. so what if i dont know the entire story? so what if i've mistaken the whole concept? so what if i put words into people's mouth? you seriously dont know much about him and me.. thats what i think. i do try to smile everyday and make everyday the best out of it. do you even know that fact? do you see me crying and showing black faces everyday in school? that is, if you see me in school. i smile through my darkest times. if you seriously do not believe me, go on, ask my friends. shall i name them? oh yes, you know their names already. go on, ask them..

i've cut myself, indeed i did. i'm hurting myself, not hurting you. so why bother? I NEVER SLIT MY WRISTS. slitting my wrists is STUPID. now, about my sister. i dont really know what's going with her. nor she tells me about it.. how funny, she dont tell her problems to her siblings, instead, she tells people whom she detests. my mum cried. she hasnt found out about my problems.. and she never will. i have low self esteem, i think negative thoughts. i DO NOT cry physically, i do not show people my weakness, i do not and i will NEVER CRY INFRONT OF PEOPLE. i admit, i did not cry when i heard the story, i just feel sad. thats all. and for your info, i'm NOT crying now. i do not like people to pity me either.

looks can be deceiving. i'm refering to my friend. she have changed ever since we told her about her weak points. she have changed alot.. to a good one. she's a role model for me to follow now. she ticks me off, she gives me advices.. but, do you?

i am mad at my dad. that was yesterday's matter. but wait a second, do you even know my dad? i shall not rant about my dad and will not bad mouth him.

i shall say, i still DO like him alot. alright?


i shall put this problems aside,
concentrate on my MYE.

goodbye.

i've decided to post. (:


i've found out everything.
guess wad i've found out?
the reason why he wanna get into that particular JC.
i know about everything,
sad to say,
every little single detail.

everytime i spoke about it, i'll be so miserable inside.
i'll be crying inside.

sometimes,
the truth just hurts.


had english today.
everything sucked..
i had to rewrite my WHOLE compo cause' its too messy,
with all the correction tape.

the 2 compres sucked too.
i did my summary at the last minute.
dint look at the clock..
oh, how dumb.


just for an update;
i've scored 20/25 for my fnn practical test.
yay! =)


she has really changed alot.
not in a negative,
but suprisingly, in a positive way.
well, that proves one thing,
never judge a book by its cover,
and, looks can be deceiving.

i'm seriously wrong about everything.


cant do anything nor touch any technology.
it means that i cant touch the television or computer.
the feeling sucks lah.


i'm SUPER PISSED WITH MY FATHER.
pissed at him for bossing around.
out of rage,
i did it again..

i'm sorry,
friends of mine.

oh shocking.


you said i copied you.
how funny?
are you the only one doing all this?
you made mum cried,
mum is worried that you might break your blood vessels,
she's afraid that you might passed away,
which hopefully, it will never happen.

are you only finding something to get you mind off something,
or just some personal problems?
i cant believe it,
when you tell outsiders your problems,
instead of telling me.
thats a fact that you cant change.

but thanks for today,
you were not mean to me,
instead, you were being nice :D

oh so sad.


he liked her for 3 years..
its like,
an unrequitted love.
now, she's transferred.
i bet he's feeling very upset,
he's dying wish is just to touch those untouched lips,
not a kiss goodbye,
just to make up for whatever wrong-doings he had done.
oh so lovable,
oh so touching..

i just dont get it,
why bother telling these people?
is it hurtful?
what do you think?


In the middle of a gun fight...
In the center of a restaurant...
They say, "Come with your arms raised high!"
Well, they're never gonna get me,
And like a bullet through a flock of doves...
To wage this war against your faith in me,
Your life...will never be the same.
On your mother's eyes, say a prayer...say a prayer!


i hope for one thing,
just one thing,
theres nothing to be afraid,
afraid of me that is.

but i'm glad we're still in contact (:

but i have this guilty conscience in me now,
i kept thinking that i was the one who messed up your life.
thats according to some people.
but,
how did i actually mess things up?


its so sad,
when you found out,
the person you love,
actually have a crush on that girl for 3 years.
hurtful aint it?

I SHALL BE BLOGGING IN CAPS IF I'M MAD,
IF NOT, NO CAPS.

I'VE FOUND SOME INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT MY BLOG.
PEOPLE FIND MY ENTRIES,
ANNOYING, BITCHY, HURTFUL, TROUBLE-MAKING, LOADS OF OTHER WORDS I CAN THINK OF.

seriously,
ain blogs supposed to be something personal?
SOMETHING THAT THE OWNER CAN ACTUALLY EXPRESS HIS/HER FEELINGS.
BUT NO,
SOME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY AGAINST MOST OF MY ENTRIES,
HAVING THEIR OWN PERSONAL NEGATIVE VIEWS,
YES, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT,
NEGATIVE,
NEGATIVE VIEWS.


i seriously dont dont dont get it.
I KNOW THAT I'M STRAIGHTFORWARD,
BUT NOT SO STRAIGHTFORWARD AS IN,
whenever i see someone walk past me, i'll shout,
"HEY!! look at that girl!! her hair's weird!!"
not that straightforward.
WANNA KNOW WHY I'M POURING OUT EVERYTHING HERE?
well, as i've said,
blogs are like a personal diary,
owners can discuss, swear or bitch in their blogs.
its like an online journal,
just that people are able to see what you've written.


AGAINST MY ENTRIES IS ONE THING,
the second thing is, i know that even my own sibling cant stand what i've written.
example,
if i induce vommitting, she will shout,
"FUCKER, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP MAKING YOURSELF VOMIT? ITS HURTING YOUR FUCKING ORGANS, YOU WANNA DIE, FINE! DIE THEN"

if i cut myself, she'll say,
"MOTHER FUCKER, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU COPY ME? DONT ACT LAH."

i mean, WTH?
cutting yourself aint copying nor it meant that i'm a big RIP-OFF.
oh whatever (:


i've been feeling so fucked up and upset from the starting of this week.
everytime i woke up,
i'll just hope that today's just another ordinary day,
dont need to rejoice over it.

i'm so upset on the 25th.
seriously i am.
well sister, wanna know what i did on that particular day?

I'VE CUT MYSELF 12 TIMES ON MY ARMS.
happy now?
i guess not.. oh well~


i've finally done my coursework!!
YESYESYESYES!!
i neednt procrastinate it any longer,
nor get so grief-stricken over it.
=)


i DONT hate alibaba or those people whom i'm hanging out with.
it feels kinda nice to have someone behind you,
cheering you on.
love you guys, alibaba & asg (:


i suddenly felt that i've began to love someone again..
that feeling,
cant undescrible.
it just feels nice :D


got an email from mrs neo.
we dint attend the batik painting thing on either the 20th or 22th of april.
hahaha!
so, no points, we're never getting the PNA gold.
oh well~


goodbye for now

you cant just expect unexpected things to happen
in such short notice cant you?


to my utter disappointment,
i've once again,
done it twice.
i induce vommitting again.
its not that i force myself.
it's because of those negative remarks constantly repeating in my head,
in my mind.

how hurtful can this comments get?
i mean.. so far that they're willing to hurt someone else,
in order to get what they long for,
to fulfil their destiny.


Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face.


she aint no push-over.
she aint a bad bully.
she aint one stupid girl,
nor one pessimistic big freak.
she's just a little annoyed and troubled.

the 6 BIG reasons that made her what she's now.

how fucked up.


If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open..


its just like a childhood story,
just that it has no happy ending..
lets say,
the story is a never ending one.
the ending kept procrastinating itself,

how devasting.
how sad.
how annoying.

i felt so aggrieved,
its like, i'm seriously being treated in an unfair way..


they so called, deluded me.
i dont believe myself either.
nor do i believe her myself.
but, i should believe her..
cause' she in my clique, my cca clique.
i shant trust anyone from now onwards,
except for her.
she's a great girl.
she helps me out in everything.
she's the only whom i can trust,
the only one whom i can confide in.

i suddenly remebered,
the main reason why i was so fucked up and miserable yesterday..


"i wanna marry you."


that was wad he said.
not to me, but to my most hated person i regard now.
hurtful and heart-breaking comments.

how saddening.
thats how i feel now.


:(

"if you cut yourself, i'm not gonna friend you!"
- seri

"you people are endangering your lives"
-puifun

"dont ever cut yourself, you're gonna regret it. although i know it hurts alot inside, but dont ever and i mean, EVER CUT YOURSELF!"
-grace (my sister)

"*hits me*, *steals away scissors from my hand*"
-yilian


some people's comments.
sorry if i forget any of your words.
thanks (:


guess what?
my sister cut herself again.
her handphone was confiscated cause' miss irene lim saw her using it.
i'm like super pissed.
why did you even have to take it out in the first place?
its already pretty obvious that you were looking in your pocket.
why even bother?
bother taking it out of cause'

all because of soh LL's fault.
its not like the 2 of us slept in class only.
tell me,
you never make the whole class participate..
you're making people get bored.
the first thing i would love to clarify,

why are you so fucking BIASED towards us?
you even complained to mrs yeo..
i dont mind you calling up my parents..
but,
why tell every single teacher teaching us?
do you really want us to have a bad record for the year?

if you seriously do,
please say it right in my face,
instead of doing things behind people's back.
its so fucking annoying.


had fnn practical test.
it is included in our theory mid year paper,
our overall practicals,
our overall theories,
and our coursework.
i seriously thought that we cant have a look at the recipe,
luckily, he printed it out for us.

today's dish,
"fried macroni and blah blah blah.."
heres a picture i took,
its not really exact cause i've added some noodles in it.
those itchy hands..



i must admit,
i did not cock up.. unlike the first practical.
i just did 1 thing wrongly..
after i've cooked everything, i was ready to serve,
i realised i dint even put in my mixed vegetables.
ahhh.. my stupidity.
my bad.

faizal came & grab a bite.
he dropped once he dug out some food.
my hands were soapy at that time,
so dint do anything.
i seriously hope i wont fail.

i've burnt my hands.
how stupid,
imagine, after you cook something at above 60 degrees,
you just put your fingers and touch the metal parts.
ouch.


he came to 3/6 yesterday.
i thought sammi was bluffing me..
he did turned up.
i'm so glad.. all the while i thought he might never have showed up.
yep, i was wrong about that.


someone made me real mad yesterday.


adeline told me,
they were mad at me cause' i'm always hanging out with her.
i seriously cant make my words obvious,
cause' i know that she will be reading this.

but i want to make something clear to you,


I AM STANDING AT THE NEGATIVE SIDE, I DONT LIKE HER, I HATE HER. I DETEST HER. I ABHOR HER. THE REASON I'M ALWAYS SEEN HANGING OUT WITH HER IS BECAUSE SHE KEEP STICKING ON TO ME. DO YOU EVEN THINK THAT I LIKE HER 1 BIT? NO, NO AND NO. MY ANSWER IS NO, IF YOU MIND (:


went to lin's house today.
did some chemistry,
kenneth smsed lin.
he claims that HE* was walking behind him.
together with 3 guys i suppose.
i shall not elaborate..
but i shall say,

"i'm glad he still do remember (:"


went to west mall.
intially, i wanted to buy something extra for him..
but i'm seriously broke peniless.


bought some extra badges for him,
1 prob,
how am i going to give him?


received the mid years time-table.
i dont feel very confident.
i dont feel very serious.

i'm seriously going to flunk it.
esp both my A and E maths.
why do i even wanna score A1s when i was secondary 2?
if i dint do my best last year,
i'm sure to take NA maths.
why? why? why?

i need help.
soon.


i'm still waiting..
waiting and waiting and waiting.

2124..
=)


i seriously swear that i will never forget this past 2 days.
you owe me 2 bucks!
haha. jkjk (:


love,
hate,
angst,
jealously,

ouch*

i should be happy.

but yet,



i'm not.


































why?


yes, you guys have seen me laughing loads of times..
i'm known as the "joyful" one.

but,
i feel so..
hurt, green-eyed, embarrased, mad..

why?



i asked myself a million times,
why? did i even asked for it?
yes, maybe sometimes.

but.. seriously,
sometimes..
i really wish that it will go away..
get out of my fucking face.
get out of my fucking life.
i hate you.




now,
i'll i ask myself again..























why do i even bother?

i'm getting more & more hot-tempered..
what the hell.
all because of you.


i lost everything..
i'm pretty upset when i found out that my calculator has gone missing.
i draw so many stuffs on it..
i draw all my cliques name.
i coloured them.
i used them for 2 years.
i've lost 3 calculators when i was secondary 1 & 2.
i lost my wonderful calculator again.
i cant even do proper revision w/o them.
i cried when i found out that it wasnt in my bag.
my mood became more dampen.

besides my missing calculator,
i've lost my lucky pen.
call me childish if you want. i am childish anyway.
i love my black pen..
i miss it.

i hate it when i lose stuffs.
i clearly remembered that i did have it when i was in fnn class.
a calculator doesnt come cheap.
& i have to use my own money to buy it back.
i'm so frickingly pissed.


mr faizal said our practical test was next week.
he said that we cant take our recipe books into the kitchen,
nor he will tell us what we're going to cook.
i'm super anxious.

he gave us our coursework.
my mind went blank.
our coursework is due on 27 of april,
13 more days to go.

his explaination is super messy.
i dont even get what he's talking about..
just nodded to whatever he says..
i seriously need help in my coursework.
any fnn people willing to help?


you guys said the wrong stuffs again..
i'm hurt.


i know that i swear alot nowadays.
but, have you ever wondered why i would even sweared in the first place?
i sweared cause' i'm troubled, cause' i'm filled with anger.
you guys think i'm doing it on purpose?
no.. i'm mad.


i'm losing appetite nowadays..
i refused to eat.

my illness doesnt seem to go away.
it keeps getting worser & worser..
i dread waking up every morning,
cause' everytime i wake up,
my throat will be feeling so sore..
i cant talk, instead, i'll keep coughing.
it feels so terrible..

sometimes,
i just wish that i wont wake up forever.


its chaos at my tagboard.
i would love to spam it.
but, SHE* will get mad.
oh well, whatever she says.


I WONT REPLY TAGS FOR A HIATUS.

its not that i'm chicken or anything..
she warned me,
ahhh.. what the fuck.

please present your BIG names in your tags if you people dont mind.
leave my fucking sister outta it.
spam me for all you want.
dont insult my friends.
who's the one who started it?
well, not us of cause'.
whatever.


ms nurul is so nice.
she told us what questions are gonna come out for the history common test.
she even gave us the notes & showed us how to write it in essay form.
i seriously have to memorise it.


i hate it.
why am i born so stupid?!
why cant i understand stuffs easily like other kids?
why must people say hurtful things about me?
why cant people understand me or listen to me for once?
i find it super irritating when people show off their high marks to me.
not that i'm pin-pointing to anyone..
but yeah. i hate that girl sitting infront,
beside girl.
she's super sickening..
keeps putting her hands near my thighs during fnn theories.
"get your fucking hands off my body parts"
bloody hell. i'm starting to really really hate her.


i think i'm gonna have a bad record for chinese lessons.
i keep sleeping in mdm soh's class.
soh scolded puifun for telling us jokes.
soh scolded samantha for sleeping.
soh scolded jie for sleeping too.
soh rarely scold me nowadays.
i guess she's scared of me.. cause' i always shouted back at her.
i still remembered that she used to insult me.
thats why i'm still that mad at her.
alibaba's gonna have a bad record.
ahhh.. what the heck.
as if we're the only ones causing all the nonsense.


i love ammonium!
searching for his info is like searching for a needle in a haystack.
ahhh..
i give up.


my grief-stricken life.
fucking hell.
this doesnt concerns my sister.
leave her outta it.

sometimes, it pays to be perfect.
looking back,
after all this time..
i do felt proud about myself.

proud that i'm so courageous,
so positive,
oh, maybe not so positive..
but, yes. i'm proud of myself for being so brave.
*pats on back*

2pm to 2am.
whenever i'm feeling down,
i'll think about it,
& i'll smile.

ms lim talked to us today after our history remedial.
told her about my problems.
she said that the reason i kept getting mad,
its because i get too fed-up with little little things.
i should try to smile through those dark times.

i suddenly felt the urge to slit my wrists.
cutting myself.
jumping down from a high rise building.
the pressure is just too much.
i dont think i can hold it any longer.

sorry guys..
sorry that i kept having that "black" face today.
maybe i should listen to you guys..
stop thinking about it..
i'll be alright (:

thanks samantha, jie, puifun, yilian, lin & jessie.
thanks for supporting me.
i love you guys. (:

i thought that my times of being unhappy was over.
but no,
every good things have its dark side.

during pc period,
ms lim told us to write down what have happened during our past few years.
i wrote down my missing handphone,
2pm to 2pm,
the first time he talked to me,
psle,
my best friends,
him, him & him.

i seriously wanted to talk to him,
or just send him a sms.
i wish he would come & talk to me.
which i think is impossible.
i'll die if he does that :D


i cant get over it.
its like,
someone's blocking me,
someone pulling me away from being happy,
giving me more & more obstacles.

so near, yet so far


is dying the right choice?

i'll try to blog in a positive way.
i guess..


i dint notice it myself either.. until you guys told me.
i cant believe that she would self-inflict pain on herself.. i always thought that she's living life to the fullest..
but no..
i did let you have the best in everything. i let you use those good things first, before i use them..
i told you how to plan your time well, i tried helping you.
i lectured you, not scolding nor shouting at you..
i love you alot.. & i know that you do felt the same way too..
but, why resort to slitting your wrists?
maybe not slitting your wrist, but inflicting pain on yourself..
but, why dont you tell me what problems are on your mind? people are just being nice to you, we're all trying our best to help you solve your difficulties..
why dont you tell us?
why wont you trust your only sister for once?


i dont know why.. but i'm feeling WAY WAY tired!!
the moment i got home, all i want was my comfortable bed..
but i cant, homeworks come first.
mid-years are approaching. & i'm NOT ready.
secondary 3's life is damn stressful.. & i kept having frequent headaches..
i do wish i can hit myself hard with a hammer.


stop coughing into my face bryan!!
ITS DAMN RUDE OF YOU,
now, i'm having a slight cough.. are you happy now?






































































no, i do not WANT TO INTERFERE anymore. shall i repeat myself? i'm washing my hands off the problems that have been occuring. i do felt pissed & mad myself. do you think that i'll feel neutral?
i dont even know what have even happened..
i was going to close down this fucked up crap..
all because of him, i've changed my mind.. yes.
i dont even know what kind of logic is in your head right now, but i feel that this "talk-behind-each-other's-back" has to stop.
isnt it so childish? i dont know who started this kind of thing..
but, i shouldnt interfere your life with your childhood friend or your primary friend shouldnt i?
you said i was the cause of the troubles.. FINE, what have i done wrong?
seriously, this thing have caused me thinking about it for 24/7..
i shall not hate him.. & neither do i hate you. hate me for all you want..
its beyond my limits afterall.


gossips, unhappiness.. why do i hear them in guides?
now, even the ex-cos are aiming at themselves..
learn to love,
not hate (:


fucked up.
i think i'm gonna die soon (:

ahhh.. what the fuck.
i'm beginning to write shorter & shorter post.
yay me!


shocked, surprised, filled with angst, fuming mad with anger, jealousy, overjoyed..
thats what i felt today.
a mixed-up emotion ain?


indeed i do,
i felt so bad.. bad for breaking up people's friendship.
actually, i'm not quite sure what i've done.
each parties have said negative remarks about each other..
who should i believe?
according to millions & tons of people, i do think that its that person's fault.
i doubt that you'll ever be reading this but, yes.
i do felt bad inside.. but!
how did i mess things up?


read through my archives & diary posts.
after reading it, couldnt help but laugh..
after so much courage i've put in..
indeed, it was worth it.
yes, i've never regretted.


post a longer one next time.

:D

i'm left speechless..


am i still acting so..
paranoid?
cos, i kept getting the idea that he hates me,
she hates me,
they hate me,
blah blah blah..
no, seriously, i really must change my mindset..
change my way of thinking.


i've forgotten to mention that,
kerk doesnt know how to spell, bicycle!!
he spelled it as,
"bicylce"

all of us were mocking at him,
laughing at his stupidity.
hahahahaha!!


sometimes, people do irritate the opposite party.
like my mum & my sister.
mum wants to make my sister's life comfortable..
cos she's doing her art right now.
she wants her to have a nice night through the night,
but, somehow somewhat,
it really irritates her..
alot..
signs of attitude problems or she wants to rebel against her?


after much thinking,
i do think that they make a great couple.
all the best,
the 2 of you =)

no, i'm not being sarcastic in anyway..
i'm serious.
it hurts.. real bad.


goodbye my lover

i shall blog as much as i can.
that is, if i rmb everything of cause..
i kept thinking my posts are so short!!


i've heard so much comments from friends of mine..
& teachers.
telling me to look on the bright side,
be positive,
not caring about wad people have to say about me.
if those miserable people wants to comment anything about me,
fine! go on..
comment as much as you like..
no, i'm not pin-pointing anyone.
just feel like venting out all my anger that i've been holding for these past 2 years.

shocked that i can hold it for so long?
yay me (:


i hate mosquitoes..
seriously.. no doubt bout that.
i mean.. who actually love those blood suckers?
just gotten 3 huge bites for just 2 mins.
super mad.
i mean.. why does the food for mosquitoes have to be blood?
why cant they have a small world for mosquitoes,
where they can live & sleep in..
& most importantly,
i wish that they can cook,
& have those small coffee shops or fast food restaurants..
so that they will fill their bellies,
& they wont be able to bite us cos they're too full!!

haiyo.. you're dreaming lah joyce.
xD


had no practical today..
super mad. made me went bonkers ytd when heard that there are theory lessons today.
i suddenly cant find my pastry wksht.
searched through my fnn file & my main file..
but, no.. it wasnt there..
luckily faryal dint bring it too..
faizal's face was super black today.
he was late for class by 20 mins.
i guess we're all used to it by now..
faizal made us do squats..
i laughed throughout everything..
those words still roams around in my head..

"1 squat sir, 2 squats sir, 3 squats sir, 4 squats sir, 5 squats sir, 6 squats sir, 7 squats sir, 8 squats sir, 9 squats sir, 10 squats sir"

its like.. robots talking continuously..
*laughs*
just now, went to search for my wksht again..
was in a rage..
i found it in my bag!!
GOD DAMN IT.
i could have handed it in today..


saw mdm soh, tweety bird, outside 3/6 after school.
so i greeted her.
she signaled to me, telling me to go over..
i walked towards her..
she suddenly opened her arms WIDEEEE!
& i seriously thought that she wanted to hug me.
was super duper shocked.
instead, she just patted me on my shoulders.
gave me such a fright.
ytd during chinese remedial,
she was super nice to me.
she told me that i can do well for my chinese..
blah blah blah~~
she wasnt like that to me when we're having our normal lessons.
her attitude changed towards me.
nice (:


i have simply just so much to talk about guides today..
today was the first time when the ex-cos took over.
went to take the attendance book with pf.
took the attendance.
there was a camp..
3 days camp. i'm going to be super tired for sure..
suppose to so called, combine with npcc for the camp.
since most of them dont wanna combine cos it will sure be a hassle when it's showering time..
so, changed to the 2nd week.
both pf & i took charge of the planning of the camp..
we had to run ard the school, looking for kokila, loh & neo..

asked anyu bout some other things halfway..
she told us quite a number of things.
most of the guides stuffs will be changed..
& i dont suppose we can get gold this year.
but i sure do hope to get gold this year.
i told them i was such an extra..
they lectured me again.
everything in guides has changed.
secretary is currenly having the most stuffs to do.
& they do need an assistant secretary..
i do have to face things in another way now.
CL said that people are like..
giving her attitude.. saying that she is acting big & stuffs like that.
i'm not sure who to believe in..
asg wants me to be with them whenever they will be..
they want me to march with them..
& do things in guides with them..
i dont really know how to answer you guys whenever you ask me to be with you..
such a dilemma..

so, we called my sister to take charge for awhile to help me continue planning for the camp & farewell party..
i was quite shocked..
my sister came to me & told me some extras was "stealing" her "job"..
she took away my sister's job..
was very unhappy with her..
oh well, wad can i do?
my rank is not that high too.
had to teach the sec 1s marching today..
pf & i took my peer leadering grp junior, stella.
she did listen to us.. but she dint really apply to her skills.

next time, we'll just choose an enthu sec 1 guide!
hoho (:
cos, an enthu sec 1 guide will learn things very very quickly.


joelle smsed me the day before ytd.
said that she wants to quit fnn.
its so damn hard just to memorise all the vitamins & minerals.
i dont even know wad is another name for minerals..
it doesnt even state in the txtbk..
how do we even know wad it is.
we said to each other..
if we fail this test,
we'll quit fnn & go to art i suppose..
from wad i've heard,
but, fnn is like the easiest sub.
i dont believe myself now..
you need alot of brain power to rmb stuffs.
& i have a peanut brain.
just have to wait for the results..
*cross fingers*


i'm glad.
i still rmb sammi told me that whenever she turns on her computer,
the first site she will go to,
is my blog!
now, who is so nice like sam?
=)


btw, PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE MY MSN CONTACT,
I'VE CHANGED MY EMAIL TO,
rejoiceoverlittlethings@hotmail.com
PLEASE DONT ASK ME WHO I AM,
ITs SUPER ANNONYING. =/
THANKS!


you went online, i clicked on your nick.
i hoped to see,
your nick, is typing a message.
no, how wrong was i.

i wanted to sms you.
instead, after much consideration,
i just close my phone..


how foolish was i?
thinking that everything would come true..

4 days since i've last updated.
time check,
0030 (:


yep! i've been feeling alot alot better.. & i mean, ALOT better.
ain you people glad?
i have been laughing non-stop ytd.
i must say,
i really missed laughing, grinning & smiling all day~
i was super hyper la. run here run there..
unlike crying & be so miserable for these last 5 days..
i'm glad that i'm miles away from misery =)


sometimes, siblings can be quite a disgrace to you.
i dont really know if my sister really took his book by accident,
or someone just played a prank on either of us sisters..
thats not funny.
she said that it was not needed,
to return our classmate the book.
you said it was such a hassle to do that..
i did felt sorry for him,
having no books nor practice to do..
so, i took the book,
brought it to school, & shoved the book secretly below his table.
it was your fault to have brought the book back..
yet i had to take the fall for you..
i had to take an extra load to school.
i dread carrying such heavy bags to school..
& yet, you acted like a jerk & refused to chip in.
how inconsiderate..
no, inconsiderate is certainly not the right word to use..
i should have said,
unfair, unfillial, distracted, filled with jealously, etc etc..
you were doing your homework,
while doing, you fell alsleep.
who was the one who packed your bag?
who was the one who put your head comfortably on the pillow?
who was the one who covered with the blanket?
yes, i was the one.
i helped you.
i did wrote about you in one of my recent post.
i felt guilty.. actually, you deserved it.
no, i was feeling too sad about it..
so i deleted it away..
i never thought that you will still feel so ungrateful towards me..
showed me attitude.
thats your problem.
you have some bad attitude..
i've begged you loads of time,
for god's sake, change your fucking attitude..
have you at least tried? no.. not once.. & never in your life you will try..
i beg you my dear sister..
please change your attitude,
have you ever thought that.. why sometimes,
we dint answer your qus?


i must admit, i'm getting a lil bit paranoid nowadays..
not as in the supernatural stuffs..
loh, neo & kokila wants to put an extra post in the ex-cos.
so, they elected me.
i was the asst sec.
i couldnt be bothered anymore.
PL too. vidthya was like..
"i want to be PL, i want to be PL!!"
*rolls eyes*
you were the one who keeps pon-ing..
you shant blame anyone if you're the PS.

cant believe irene lim told loh the whole story..


samantha wants me to post something bout her in my blog.
so, here goes!
sammi finally let me see wad she has written about me during a compo practice..
the topic was about a role model you know. plus, it was ages ago! january i suppose?
read wad she have written..
mostly, its about,
me, laughing my head off.. laughing my heart out.
cheering her, alibaba & some other people up.
was quite touched while i was reading it..
reading it let me notice something..
i was known as,
the girl who keeps smiling.. if i dont smile,
it will be immediately OBVIOUS.
i do laugh at lil lil comments..
so, from today..
i shant be frowning nor sighing.
instead, i should rejoice at every moment,
so that, life will be more meaningful to me.

thanks sammi dearie! well written!
i stil wont tell you wo is "STS"
:D


i would love to thank someone.
thanks for telling me to cheer up on monday.
thanks for smiling.
no one like ever smile to me during these last 5 days..
only seldomly..
thanks for everything..
quan yuan (:
& i'll not forget that your birthday is nearing! ^^


went to je pg ytd.
was super funny.. i was laughing my heart out.
although it only lasted for less than 2 hrs,
i'm satisfied.. i'm satisfied with 2 crazy cliques that i'm having.
i love you,
alibaba & asg (X


i've learn to choose my own way..
positive or negative.
i'll choose positive.
thank you so much (:

i so called like,
eavesdrop my sis, ade & wankee's conversation on the phone.

i was practically crying when i'm hearing them..
what they had said was simply unfair..
even ade agrees..
its like.. someone suddenly backstabs you in the back cos she wanted badly to lead something..
& someone who never contributes anything to guides, have gotten the third position..
she never goes for any camps, nor any campfires..
both ade & i had contributed alot for guides..
no.. nothing good is ever returned to us now.


theres like no logic in everything now.
those who are bound to be,
wasnt in it.
& those who wasnt bound to be in,
was in..
there is no principles of reasoning anymore..
teachers dont really care about wad you feel.
if they see you bu shuang, then they will just treat you as rubbish.

wheres the fairness in this world now?


i'm like still so super sad..
but, hey..
thnks guys..
yilian, jessie, samantha, quanyuan, adeline, yenling & huili..
thnks guys.. i was really touched by you guys (:


is it karma thats happening to me?
is it because of all the bad things that i've done?
or wad i've done in my past life?
well, then tell me..
what do i need to do in order for me to repent for my sins?
i dont wanna feel this way..
i dread crying & weeping..

i knew that i wasnt like that before that fateful day..
i was the cheery one.. the one who brightens people's day.
everyone knows that i laugh alot..
now?
everything has changed..
just by thinking about it,
i feel terrible.. i wanted to appeal..
but i know that it will just only make things much more worse..

cant believe ade told her *ahem* that neo had insulted both my sis & i..
& the guides teachers being unfair to me.
her *ahem* said that he was very mad & wanted to make neo cry..
i dont think its quite neccesary lah..
the decision has already been made..
& nothing can change it ain it?


one thing i would love to say..
theres no justice & fairness in my world anymore..
but not for some of you guys out there..
i had to envy people all the time..
i hate it..
why cant i be perfect?
i felt that i'm such a letdown for those who had high hopes for me.
sorry..


i wont reply tags in the tagboard for today.
i'll just post it here..
hope you guys wont mind (:

TAG REPLIES

• yenling; hmm.. what if i dont have a topic i like? well, i'm hopeless ain i? yeah.. i'll seek help if i really cant do anything right. my physics sucks too! all because of that horrible teacher.. heh..
• samantha; why are you sad? i'm more "sadder".. haish~
• jessie; but, my heart is like.. dead? i need advice from people.. help me? LOL.
• yilian; but, you still have to think ah.. she hasnt contributed anything to us.. she never turn up for anything. but, shes still our friend.. maybe, she should give her more time, just to see if she really changed for the better anot (:
• cQy; i hate my life now.. i'm born stupid, & yet, this stupid prob is coming to me now.. its making my life much more worse.. ants.. hahaha. i'm the big giant who comes & kills them all.. nice one =)
• huili; hey.. i did tried to be strong, but i'm just too sensitive & emotional mah.. dying is like the best solution la. my dad like dont even care about my probs.. all he cares about is study, study & study.. no one would cry for me when i'm gone anyways.. yeah.. a long long way.. i dont think i'll ever made it till the end. ^^
• amanda; yo amanda!! hmm.. i think it was me.. heh. you haven tell me your url!! tsk tsk tsk.. take care!! xD
• roufang; heys mental! he like.. very wad la. always calls girls to ans his qus.. PUI! as if he's very shuai like that.

thnks for all your comments.

:D

i'm still upset..
up till now.


to yenling;
although i dont really know you. but thanks for hearing me out yeah? =)


i'm sorry puifun.
you're not in the wrong..
& neither do we..
its all because of the guides thing..
sorry i made you feel upset as i was unhappy.
you neednt feel upset for me either.


this world is so unfair.
why should i be living in it?
maybe i should heed her advice..
i shouldnt care about anything right now.
studies come first.
i have to get everything right for my studies.
but, who would wanna help me?


unfairness.. why must it be on me?
i feel so upset.
i feel like committing suicide..
i wanna end this depression..